


Shattered

by myhead_myuniverse



Category: Why Don't We (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst with a Happy Ending, Choking, Deep down good Jonah, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Fuckboy! Jonah, Hurt, Hurt Jonah, Jealousy, Love Confessions, Slight Choking, Smut, hurt reader, mention of cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:20:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25092256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myhead_myuniverse/pseuds/myhead_myuniverse
Summary: He should pull away, but he doesn’t. He can’t. “Just a few friends.” She quickly adds to sooth his nerves. He relaxes but tighten his grip around her waist.A hint of guilt shoots through his body when he understands that her boyfriend’s not around, when he finds it somewhat liberating. He hides his face in the crook of her neck. The feel of his breath against her skin makes chills run down her spine. God.Her skin is burning every place it’s touching his. His lips trail a path down her naked shoulder igniting her whole body. She wants him so bad.She shouldn’t.She digs her teeth in her bottom lip.But she does.
Relationships: Jonah Marais/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 7





	1. Words, words, words

There’s a solid chest press against her back as she moves her hips to the music. She doesn’t mind him, really, the warmth of his body ignites hers. The man wraps his arm around her waist and uses his other hand to push her hair behind her shoulder leaving access to her neck. She recognizes his hands and his rings which makes her shuffle back to press more of her body against his.

He kisses her neck with a smile. She smiles too holding one hand up to thread her fingers through his dark hair, pressing his mouth harder against her skin. His lips travel up her neck, her jaw and stops at the corner of her lips. She turns her head to face him and brushes her lips against his. The man pulls back with a smile, he knows they can’t, not like that, not here.

He still pulls her closer to him and moves with her to the music. She’s happy he can’t hear her heart or the embarrassing little sound that fell of her mouth over all the noise. “You here alone?” He asks breathlessly.

She shakes her head and his whole-body tenses at her answer. He should pull away, but he doesn’t. He can’t. “Just a few friends.” She quickly adds to sooth his nerves. He relaxes but tighten his grip around her waist. 

A hint of guilt shoots through his body when he understands that her boyfriend’s not around, when he finds it somewhat liberating. He hides his face in the crook of her neck. The feel of his breath against her skin makes chills run down her spine. God.

Her skin is burning every place it’s touching his. His lips trail a path down her naked shoulder igniting her whole body. She wants him so bad.

She shouldn’t.

She digs her teeth in her bottom lip.

But she does.

It’s getting hard to breathe. She impulsively pushes her hips back against his, earning a hiss from the man behind her. His fingers press harder in her skin. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.” He means it as a warning, but he sounds more breathless than firm.

“Jonah?” She spins around in his arms tugging at his hair so he would look up at her. “Who says I can’t?”

********************************************************************

He doesn’t care, he thinks as he presses her against the wall of her bedroom. He doesn’t care, he thinks once more when their mouths connect. He doesn’t care that she’s not his, that she’s someone else’s. He doesn’t care, because in that moment his hands are on her and it’s his name rolling off her tongue. He doesn’t care that he’s being a home-wrecker, because she’s shaking under his fingertips and she’s pushing back against his hips. He doesn’t care, he doesn’t fucking care because he can’t think about anything else but her.

Her hands are exploring every inches of his body, feeling the muscles contracting under her cold skin. She remembers dreaming about this, wondering how he would feel, how he would taste. She tugs his shirt over his head in a hurry, breaking their kiss.

He presses his mouth against her neck once more, kissing and biting down her throat to her shoulder. She’s always been so obsessed with his lips, even more now than before, she could kiss him forever. She tugs at his dark hair and pulls him in another heated kiss.

Her hands slide down his stomach and easily unbuckles his belt. He keeps himself from gasping and kisses her harder. He’s done this so many times, he doesn’t know why his body reacts so much to her. So much more than he’s ever reacted to anyone else. He doesn’t know how she can get him to lose it so easily. But he doesn’t have time to let it scare him, not now.

She finally pulls back from him and kisses down his neck. He has to bite his lip hard not to moan out loud. Fuck. She would be the death of him.

She presses her lips down his body and kneels in front of him. Jonah sucks in a breath at the sight and watches her slowly pull his pants and his boxers down. A shiver runs through his body as he feels her breath against his hard length.

She’s too impatient to tease him so she leans in and licks a stripe from the base to the head of his cock. His eyes can’t look away from her face as he hisses in pleasure and thread his fingers through her hair pulling lightly.

She looks up, locks eyes with him and decides she likes having his bright eyes on her. They keep their eye contact as she wraps her lips around the head of his dick, sucking lightly. He’s not gonna last long if she keeps looking like that, so innocent but so dirty at the same time.

She slowly slides him further and further in her mouth until it hits the back of her throat. She doesn’t gag but he can’t find the strength to say something about it. He lets a moan fall off his lips as she sets a slow pace, letting her tongue press on the underside. Fuck. She’s so good.

She bobs her head for a while before relaxing her throat and letting him slide further. She moves slow and deep and still looks at him through her lashes. It quickly becomes too much for him. He takes his eyes away from her and bites down his bottom lip hard. His eyes fall shut as another wave of pleasure runs through his body.

The moans falling off his lips only adds on to the wetness in her panties. Her name rolls off his tongue and she takes it as a warning, pulling back to keep him from coming down her throat. She has other plans for him.

He helps her on her feet and unzips her dress, letting it fall on the floor. Jonah looks at her for a few seconds making her self-conscious. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” He breathes out, making her blush.

Well, he didn’t mean to say it out loud. He hides his own embarrassment by pulling her in another kiss. He moves her backward until the back of her knees hit the bed making her fall on her back against the mattress. Jonah climbs over her and smirks pressing his lips against hers, in a too short and too chaste kiss.

“My turn.” He says with a voice that sends chills down her spine. She lays down on the bed and spread her legs when his hands push against her thighs.

He kisses down her body but stops just before reaching her core. The sudden stop makes her look down only to meet his green eyes already looking back at her. He grins at her before diving in and licking over her slit. Her whole-body shakes as she moans loudly.

The noise only pushes him to continue. He strokes both his hands up her thighs and does it again, only pushing harder and flicking his tongue against her clit. He can feel her muscles tremble under his touch and pride swells up in his chest. She bites down her bottom lip, eyes never leaving Jonah’s. The man groan before finally pushing his tongue inside of her forcing a moan out her lips.

“Please.” She begs making his dick twitch. He doesn’t know what she’s asking for, but he wants that too. So, he hurries pressing two fingers, attaching his lips around her clit and sucking. His mouth feels so fucking good. His tongue is probably her new favourite thing about him. Each flick of his tongue against her clit makes her whole body shake in pleasure.

He waits for her to be ready and presses a third one moving it alongside the two others. She moans loudly a couple of times before wrapping her fingers around his wrist to make him stop. She can’t wait anymore, she needs to feel him inside of her.

He gets the message and pulls his hand back. She doesn’t wait for him to make his way up her body and pulls him by the neck in another kiss. Jonah kisses her fast and hard making her moan against his mouth. “Hurry.” She says wrapping her legs around his waist. He smiles at her eagerness and presses his hands on either side of her head. She lines him up and he pushes his hips forward hard and fast.

A high-pitch moan falls of her mouth and her nails dig in the skin of his back. He groans at the sensation. “Fuck, you feel so good babygirl.” He pants against her ear. She moans at the nickname rolling off his tongue.

He buries his face in the crook of her neck letting her hold onto his hair with her other hand. She can feel Jonah’s lips and teeth on her neck and her jaw but she’s way too gone in the pleasure to think about the marks he could leave behind.

He sets up a hard and fast pace, pounding into her. Moans and pants are the only thing that can be heard in her room alongside the creaking sounds of her bed. She’s happy nobody’s home because with all the noise they’re making … It would have been embarrassing. “Jo!” She moans loudly.

She moves her hips in sync with his, meeting his thrusts hard.

She takes one of his hands and moves it to wrap around her neck moaning at the feeling of his cold rings against her warm skin. His eyes meet hers in hesitation. She nods at him and he starts slowly squeezing his fingers around her neck. The pressure makes it really hard for her to breathe but it makes her orgasm build up faster in her stomach.

Jonah takes one of her legs and hitches it up on his shoulder. The change of angle pushes him deeper inside of her. She tries to moan but the pressure around her throat keeps the sounds from falling off her mouth. Jonah does though, groaning close to her ear.

Jonah’s the first one to cum burying himself deep inside of her. He keeps trusting though, riding out his orgasm and pushing her quickly towards the edge. It doesn’t take much, as soon as his thumb presses against her clit she cums hard, her whole body shaking against his. He holds her through it pressing kisses across her shoulder.

**************************************************************

He takes his head between his hands. He fucked up.

He fucked up bad.

He throws the first thing he can find, watching his sunglasses shatter against the wall of his bedroom. He harshly runs his fingers through his hair letting himself slide on the floor, sitting, back pressed against his bed.

His forehead hits his knees folded against his chest. He doesn’t even stop the tears from rolling down his face.

Thoughts and awful words rushing through his mind, words he brought to life just a few hours ago. He can’t get the picture of her face erased from his head. Sad smile and broken eyes. His fault.

_“Look Jo.”_

He remembers the serious look on her face as he pulled his shirt over his head. He remembers this new feeling spreading through his chest. Anxiety. He remembers the panic rushing through his body, his shaking hands concealed in the pockets of his jeans.

Her boyfriend’s name, the word ‘choose’ and the sad look on her face is the only thing he can make out through the buzzing in his ears and the fog in his eyes.

 _“I don’t care.”_ The words weren’t as harsh as he meant them to be though, he knows now, they should’ve never left his mouth. “ _I don’t care about him or about you. You were nothing but a good fuck to me so do what the fuck you want with that boyfriend of yours but don’t bring me into this.”_ He said throwing their years of friendship through the window.

He groans punching the floor violently. What the fuck was wrong with him?

A sob rakes through his body. He can still see the pain flashing through her eyes. God. Why did he have to be such an asshole?

He keeps asking himself the same questions over and over again, but he knows really well all of the answers. He did it because he’s scared, because the last time he had feelings for someone he paid a price way too high. Because someone he loved too much didn’t love him enough. Because he got used and cheated on, his heart ripped in pieces and his head all messed up.

That day, the one he got free from the toxic relationship he was in, he promised himself he would never let someone have that power over him ever again. He let himself become an emotionless asshole. A fuckboy who did to others what his ex-girlfriend did to him.

Just as he though he managed to become completely numb, she brought back in him emotions he didn’t know he could still feel.

Trust. Comfort. Love.

He closes his fists tightly, letting his nails pierce the skin of his palm. He can’t remember the last time he cried, can’t remember the last time he hurt someone and cared. He can’t erase her face from his head.

His heart is pounding in his chest.

She wasn’t exactly smiling when she told him that having sex with him was a mistake. She smiled though, when she told him she didn’t mean it like that, that she loved having him in her bed, but she shouldn’t have done that to her boyfriend. He was drawn to her lips instantly making it hard for him to even listen to what she was saying.

_“He’s just… He’s perfect. But then I look at you and you smile and… The way you make me feel, I don’t know if I can give this up. I just… I need to choose, to makes things clear, before something else happens. I just need time.”_

He should’ve have nodded and left. Maybe kiss her before walking out the door, just in case it was the last one he would ever get. He didn’t. He just found the words who would hurt her the most and threw them at her face.

It’s hard to even breathe. His chest feels so heavy, like he can’t bring it up to let the air rush through his lungs.

Another sob shakes his whole body. Fuck! He wants to scream but he can’t find the strength to.

It hurts. God. It hurts so bad.

The door of his room swings open making his head snap up from where it was resting on his knees.

Corbyn’s eyes stop on his face and his smile immediately drops. “Jo? Hey, you alright?” He knows that he looks like a mess. His face wet with tears, eyes bloodshot and whole body shaking. Corbyn’s gaze travel to the shattered glasses and than back to his friend.

“Not really.” Jonah finally admits. The blond closes the door behind himself before walking to his friend and sitting next to him.

“What’s going on?” Concern dripping from Corbyn’s voice.

“I’m an asshole.”

*******************************************************************

He needs her to be angry. He needs her to scream, to ignore him or maybe punch him. Anything. He needs her to react.

She doesn’t.

She shows up to their house the next day and smiles at him as he walks down the stairs. He can’t even bring himself to smile back through the lack of air in his lungs. Her eyes quickly travel from him to the group of guys in the kitchen.

The mention of her name brings Jonah back to reality. She walks to the group of boys settling in Daniel’s arms. She presses herself against his side her arm wrapped around his waist and his laid across her shoulders.

Anger runs through Jonah’s body as he joins the rest of his band in the kitchen. Though she’s always been close to Daniel, this time around it hurts way more that it usually does. She throws her head back revealing a purple piece of skin on her neck.

A reminder of one of the best nights is his life. A reminder she could’ve been his. A reminder that he fucked everything up.

He hides his shaking hands in the pocket of his hoodie, carefully avoiding Corbyn’s eyes.

Daniel presses a kiss on top of her head. “What are you doing here? I though you were spending the day with your boyfriend.”

She nods, briefly looking at the ground before looking back up. “We hum… We broke up this morning.” He clenches his jaw tightly. He can’t cry, not now, not ever, not about something he ruined.

He hears the apologies and the ‘why’s’ the band throw her way, but he can’t bring his mouth to move. “It just wasn’t working out.” She simply says without a trace of sadness in her tone. “I have been thinking about it for a while. We just talked this morning and agreed it was the best thing to do.”

God, he wants to smash something so bad, watch the mug he’s holding on to shatter on the white wall in front of him, but he doesn’t move. He doesn’t have the right to get angry, to get sad like he is right now.

  
It was his fault. The pain in his chest is his own fault.

He wants to reach for her so bad, feel her skin under his fingers, hold her in his arms, kiss her like he did two days ago but he can’t.

How do you tell someone you love them after telling them they were nothing but a good fuck?

Corbyn brushes his shoulder against his in reassurance.

His eyes stay focus on her, on her shiny eyes, on her smile.

All five of them moves to the backyard to enjoy the sun and the pool. Jonah stays alone in the kitchen for a while, catching his breath. “Jo?” He spins around quickly at the sound of her voice. She smiles at him like nothing’s wrong, like he didn’t break both of their hearts just the day before. She smiles, her eyes still shiny like what he said wasn’t painful.

She says his name like it doesn’t makes his chest hurt like hell. “You coming?” The words are playful and punctuated by a chuckle.

“In a minute.”

He swallows back the tears threatening to fall.

He wants her to be angry, he wants her to yell, to throw things his way. He needs her to be angry, he needs her to hate him.

He’s pretty sure it would be less painful than seeing her smile like nothing ever happened. Like it didn’t matter.

***************************************************************

She exits the kitchen and lets out a heavy breath. ‘Fuck, it hurts’ she tells herself, a hand over her heart.

She knows that the best thing she can do is act like what Jonah said didn’t break her heart, like his words didn’t shatter her.

But pretending didn’t make it hurt any less, didn’t make the pain fade away. She tries to tell herself that no matter what they wouldn’t have worked out together, that she wasn’t in love, but she’s never been good at lying. Even less lying to herself.

She can’t get that night out of her head or even the words that left his mouth after he got dressed. She knew him, knew his reputation and like an idiot she just threw herself at him. It was stupid to think he would treat her differently than any of the other girls he brought home. She just thought… She just thought he wouldn’t risk their friendship just for a meaningless night with her. She thought that maybe it was different, that he could have feelings for her when she clearly learned, over the years, that Jonah couldn’t love anyone but himself.

But all of them must have thought the same thing at one point, that Jonah would change for them.

God, she’s such an idiot!

Jonah is an asshole. She needs to get herself back together and move on.

But it hurts, it hurts so bad.

Her only consolation is the pained and confused look Jonah keeps throwing her way.

She refuses to look more into it.


	2. "I'm not good at this."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He brings the drink to his lips, ignoring the burning feeling going down his throat. He brings his gaze back to the pretty girl in front of him. Long blond hair and bright blue eyes locked on him. A few weeks ago, he would’ve stepped closer, brought their bodies together, pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, smiled at her like she was special, flirted his way into making her fall in bed with him. 
> 
> But that was a few weeks ago, right now his brain can’t even cooperate long enough to understand a word she’s saying. “Are you ok?” She says softly, laying her hand on his arm. 
> 
> “Yeah. Yeah.” He knows his words don’t sound convincing, but he doesn’t really care. The girl nods before making an excuse to walk away from him. 
> 
> His blood is boiling in his veins as he places his eyes back on them. The alcohol hits him all at the same time. He knows he’s going to do something dumb. 
> 
> After all, that’s the only thing he’s good at.

If he tightens his hold even more the glass will shatter in his hand.

It’s been two weeks and it still hurt as if it happened yesterday. He should’ve stayed in his room. He should’ve gone to sleep instead of joining the party downstairs.

God. It’s been two weeks and it still hurts. Though, now, the blond guy she’s making out with is the reason his knuckles are turning white.

He brings the drink to his lips, ignoring the burning feeling going down his throat. He brings his gaze back to the pretty girl in front of him. Long blond hair and bright blue eyes locked on him. A few weeks ago, he would’ve stepped closer, brought their bodies together, pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, smiled at her like she was special, flirted his way into making her fall in bed with him.

But that was a few weeks ago, right now his brain can’t even cooperate long enough to understand a word she’s saying. “Are you ok?” She says softly, laying her hand on his arm.

“Yeah. Yeah.” He knows his words don’t sound convincing, but he doesn’t really care. The girl nods before making an excuse to walk away from him.

His blood is boiling in his veins as he places his eyes back on them. The alcohol hits him all at the same time. He knows he’s going to do something dumb.

After all, that’s the only thing he’s good at.

******************************************************************

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” She yells, pushing him with both hands on his chest.

Her voice resonates through his room. He knew he was going to do something dumb.

“You don’t get to do things like that! You’re such an asshole!” She punctuates her words by pushing him once again. He can admit that pulling her away from the guy and taking her to his room wasn’t exactly a smart idea.

“I…” He doesn’t even have the words to defend himself.

“Shut the fuck up Jonah!” She throws at him. “YOU were the one telling me that you didn’t want me, so what the hell are you doing?”

Her face is red with anger, both fists clenched by her side. He can’t even think of words he wants to say, his mind completely blank. “What do you want from me?” She presses her finger against his chest.

The words are stuck in his throat. He wants to explain, he wants to apologize, tell her he loves her, tell her he was wrong, but he can’t speak through the lump in his throat. She sighs before opening her mouth to yell at him once again.

So, he does the only thing he can think about and kisses her.

She freezes and flattens her hand against his chest. For a second he thinks she’s going to push him away. She doesn’t. She wraps her fingers in his shirt and finally moves her lips against his.

She should push him away, she knows she should, but she can’t bring herself to. She should pull back and run, run as far as possible. After everything he’s done to her she should just walk away. But it’s too easy to get lost in the feeling of his lips against hers, of his hands wrapped around her waist.

She pulls back and holds his bottom lip between her teeth. She doesn’t want soft and sweet, she needs hard and fast and angry. She kisses him once again fast and dirty and bruising.

She finally lets him go and pushes him hard in the chest. Jonah stumbles a few steps back, the bed hitting the back of his knees making him fall backwards.

He pushes himself up on his elbows just in time to see her unzipping the back of her dress. She lets it fall down her body, revealing her matching lacy underwear. “Fuck.” He swears under his breath.

She climbs on the bed and straddles his lap, pressing a hand on his chest so he would lay back down. She presses open mouthed kisses up his chest and his neck until her lips are against the shell of his ear. “They weren’t for you, they were for him.”

The words ignite something in his chest. He bucks his hips to get her off of him and flips her on her stomach pressing his weight on top of her. She can feel her heart pounding in her chest even though it’s exactly the reaction she was looking for. “Too bad I’m the one that’ll be taking them off.”

His voice sends chills through her body. She knows she managed to piss him off. He quickly gets rid of his shirt before taking her wrist in his hand and holding them over her head. She tries to move away but he tightens his grip to keep her hands in place. “Jonah.” She groans.

“Oh, so now that I’m in charge you don’t like it sweetheart.” He knows really well the effect his words have on her. She tugs one more time to test his hold. “You’ll stay there like a good little girl while I take what I want aren’t you?”

His voice is sharp and certain, but she knows she only have to say something and Jonah’ll let her go. His fingers run down her ribs and hooks in her panties, tugging them down her legs and throwing them somewhere on the floor.

He forces her legs apart with his knee closing his teeth around her shoulder. He’s biting just hard enough to hurt and to be sure it’ll leave a mark.

His fingers trail up her thigh making her whine in anticipation. He feels the wetness between her legs, teasing her before pushing two fingers inside of her. She moans loudly at the pleasure.

He chuckles pulling them out and then trusting back in. He does it a few times before adding a third. His fingers don’t stay long inside of her before he’s pulling them out. He’s doing it on purpose, he wants her to feel him, she knows that.

She hears him get rid of the remaining of his clothes, the metal belt hitting the ground with a loud thud. Still she doesn’t expect it when he pushes inside of her without a warning. His hips snap forward hard enough the make the bed hit the wall. She moans loudly at the feeling rushing through her body. There’s a lot more pleasure than pain but she’s still very much aware of how wide her walls are stretched around him.

He presses kisses across her shoulder like he instantly regrets what he’s done. “You ok?” He whispers against her ear.

“Fuck you.” Her answer wakes up something inside his chest. He huffs loudly against her skin and slowly pulls his hips back. He slams back in harder making her fingers twist in the sheets under her. The pace he sets is fast and brutal and feels so fucking good.

His name rolls of her tongue in a high-pitched moan. He slips his arm around her waist, between her body and the mattress. He pulls to get her hips up a little and works to push himself deeper. “Fuck, Jonah.” His fingers dig in her hip in a bruising grip.

He smiles against her shoulder letting a moan escape his lips. Every thrust makes the whole bed shake. Her mind is too fog up with pleasure to focus on anything else but Jonah. “So good for me, taking me so well.” The words flow right out of the brunet’s mouth. He can’t think either, just saying things rushing through his mind.

His hand already under her body moves to press his finger against her clit. “You gonna cum? Be a good girl for me?” The sound of his voice makes chills run down his spine. Her orgasm is building fast in her stomach. “Feels so good when you cum around me.”

What he’s implying makes her moan out loud. He talks like seeing and feeling her cum is the best thing he’s ever felt. She doesn’t know why that turns her on so much.

“So close Jo.” His finger presses harder and moves faster against her clit. It takes a few hard thrust before she cums hard. That feeling of her body contracting around him makes Jonah fall over the edge too.

He lets his head fall against the back of her shoulder. She twists her arm and runs her fingers through his hair like she wishes she could’ve done earlier. He lays slow and lazy kisses across her shoulder, letting his soft side take over. He runs to tip of his nose up her neck and she can’t help but smile at the gesture. “You ok?” 

“I’ll probably be sore a little but it’s fine.” She hums. Jonah’s fingers run across her ribs but doesn’t move to pull out. Not that she really minds.

She turns around in his arms and let him press his lips and his tongue down her jaw. Her fingers run through his hair once again making him hum at the feeling. Jonah finally catches her lips with his.

The kiss is slow and soft and comforting. He takes the opportunity, as she’s distracted, to slip out of her. The action still pulls a whine out of her mouth.

She tries not to let all of this get to her head. It’s not because Jonah’s acting so sweet and loving that his feelings for her changed. It’s just his post-orgasm haze.

He’s still an asshole.

She still lets Jonah pull her against him. She presses her head on his chest and closes her eyes letting herself drift to sleep lull by the beat of his heart.

Jonah runs his fingers up and down her arm. They would talk tomorrow. He would talk to her tomorrow, say everything pressing down on his chest. He presses a kiss on top of her head and let himself drift away.

****************************************************************

He groans at the ray of light hitting his eyelids.

His fingers blindly reaching for her only to meet cold on the other side of the bed. His eyes shoot open, just to make sure he isn’t dreaming.

She’s gone.

Fuck. She left him.

He tries to calm himself. Maybe she’s downstairs talking to the guys or making breakfast.

He quickly dresses himself and runs down the stairs to the kitchen. His bandmates’ heads all snap up to look at him. “You alright?” Zach chuckles taking a spoonful of cereal.

“Hum… Yeah.” No, he’s not alright. He’s far from being ok. His hands are shaking when he wraps them around the counter.

“You sure?” Corbyn frowns, concerned. His eyes are still focused on the ground when he finally shakes his head.

He messed up. He messed up. He messed up.

She’ll never forgive him. She’ll never forgive him. She’ll never forgive.

She’ll never be his. She’ll never be his. She’ll never be his.

He deserves it. He deserves it. He deserves it.

“Jo?” He jumps when he feels a hand on his back. He doesn’t even notice he’s crying until a tear reaches his lip. He lifts his head up to look at Corbyn now standing next to him.

“She’s gone.”

****************************************************************

She looks at the marks in the mirror, slowly running her fingers over the purple skin on her neck. She trails them down to the teeth marks on her shoulder.

A knock on her door makes her jump and take her hand away. She pulls her shirt back in place and looks at herself in the mirror one last time before walking down the stairs.

She swings the door open and almost closes it as soon as she sees the guy standing behind it. The idea quickly erases itself from her mind as Jonah looks up at her, his eyes red and swollen from crying. She almost asks him if he’s ok, asks him what happened but she’s not dumb enough to do something like that. “What do you want?” She says instead, knowing really well she sounds insensitive.

“Hm Can I… Can I come inside?” The thought crosses her mind to just say no and close the door. Her conscience keeps her from doing so and she nods, getting out of the doorstep so he can walk inside.

He stops and turns to her, hiding his hands in his pockets. “I’m sorry.”

She nods slowly, a sarcastic chuckle escaping her mouth. “For what exactly?” It was a legitimate question, he fucked up in so many ways.

“Everything.” He’s never exactly been good with words, each of them pushing each other in his head to come out first. She bites down her bottom lip.

“That’s it?” Jonah knows that the answer should be no, but he doesn’t know what else to say. Everything feels too big, too scary.

“I’m not good at this.” He admits trying to keep the tears away from his eyes.

“There’s a lot of thing you aren’t good at Jonah. What do you want?” He definitely deserves that. God. Why can’t things just be easy? Why do the words stay stuck in his throat?

“I’m not good at this.” He says pointing between the two of them. “At us.”

She out right laughs at him. “Oh, no, believe me you were really good at this. Really good at making sure it stays nothing.” She notices the tears building in his eyes, but she won’t let herself be fooled that easily.

“I’m sorry.” He says once again trying to keep his voice steady.

“You said that already! I still don’t know what you’re apologizing for!” The anger builds in her body, she just wants him gone, she’s tired of him playing with her.

“Everything!” He says loudly. “For hurting you, for lying, for being an asshole. I’m sorry I’m not good enough, I’m sorry I’m broken. I’m sorry I said those awful things to you, I’m sorry I tried to hurt you.”

She doesn’t know what to answer to that.

“I’m sorry I’m in love with you.” The words knock the air out of her lungs. He doesn’t mean it, he can’t mean it, she tries to convince herself.

“Shut the fuck up. Don’t you think you hurt me enough Jonah? Why are you doing this?” It’s her turn to let the tears build up in her eyes.

“I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m trying to be honest for the first time in my fucking life.” She scoffs wrapping her arms around herself. She can’t let herself cry, he doesn’t deserve to see her cry, to have tears shed for him. She doesn’t know what to think, she wants to say he’s saying bullshit, but she doesn’t know why he would do something like that. She’s never heard the word 'love’ or even ‘sorry’ roll of his tongue before. “I’ve loved you for a while now.” He admits. He tries to keep his voice steady even with the nerves running through his body.

“Can you stop lying for once Jonah. You fucking told me I was just a good fuck and nothing more.” Her voice isn’t as firm or angry as she thought it would be.

“I got scared.” Just the notion of the singer being scared almost makes her laugh out loud. She’s never seen him scared of anything.

“You were scared of what?” She rolls her eyes in the back of her head.

“Of you. Of how I felt.” He takes a deep breath. “I’ve been in love with you since that day you bumped into me and spilled your drink all over my shirt at that party. You looked so cute trying to apologize and offering me your clearly too small hoodie. For the first time in a while I just wanted to talk, get to know you and not bring you home for one night like every other girl I talk to at parties. You had that hot pink tank top and those black high waisted shorts. You looked so good.”

She ignores the way her heart skips a beat at how Jonah seems to remember every detail from that night. She remembers liking him too. “You told me you had a boyfriend and it was fine at the time because I couldn’t bear the thought of liking someone. It still got harder and harder to contain myself around you.” The night at the club comes back to her mind. It was just the climax of all those weeks flirting with each other.

She wants to say something, just cut him off and tell him she doesn’t want to hear it, but the truth is she wants to hear what he has to say so bad. Even if it’ll mess her up.

“I got scared.” He says finally locking eyes with hers. “I got scared because I realised how much you meant to me that day.”

“What’s so bad with that?” Her voice is soft and ends with a sob raking through her body. He wants to take her in his arms so bad. Wipe away the tears and hold her against his chest.

“Nothing.” He admits, the corner of his lips twitching upwards. “I’m just messed up.”

Pain flashes through his eyes and it was her turn to think about hugging him. “That last time I fell in love she just… She used me to get popular, manipulated me into changing who I was to be her idea of perfect. Then she cheated on me. Multiple times. Until I caught her and when I did she just shrugged and said ‘I was tired of pretending to love you anyway’. She said I was unlovable and too soft.”

Anger rushes through her body as her eyes track a tear rolling down his face. She understands better the mask he created for himself. “I’m sorry.” She says softly.

“Not your fault.” A small smile traces its way to his lips. “But I am sorry for how I treated you, for what I said. I just… I flipped. I tried to hurt you and push you away because I was scared of being hurt. I shouldn’t have. I know that now. Well, I understood that after crying for two days straight. Corbyn was really tired of hearing me.” He tries to joke though he knows that it didn’t bother his bandmate to be there for him.

She still smiles at his attempt to lighten the mood. “I love you too.” She simply says, her smile widening.

His heart skips a beat in his chest. God. He hopes he heard that right. “Say that again.” He breathes out closing his eyes to blink away the tears.

“I love you.” She takes a step forward as the words roll of her tongue. Just the fact that she could still love him after everything he’s done sounds unreal.

“I love you.” The words send shivers down his spine. She closes the distance between them bringing her arms around his neck.

“I’ll do anything to make it up to you.” He whispers only inches away from her lips.

“I know.” She chuckles before catching his lips with hers. The kiss is soft and sweet and loving. She could kiss him forever.

**********************************************************************

Jonah keeps his word, making it up to her. He brings her flowers, take her out on dates and acts like a perfect gentleman.

He’s been different since that day. A good different.

Like the fuckboy in him just disappeared.

She loves how peaceful and cute he looks when he’s asleep. Jonah’s laying on his stomach, sheets low on his hips and his arms crossed under his head. She rolls on her side and runs her fingers down his spine. She thinks about dipping her fingers under the sheets but the faint noise coming from the kitchen stops her. The boys are already all awake and waiting for Jonah to join them.

The brunet hums at the feeling of her hands on him. He rolls on his side and wraps his arms around her, pulling her against his body. “Good morning.” The sound of his voice sends shivers down her spine.

“Morning.” She says pecking his lips. Though she means it as a quick good morning kiss, he doesn’t let her pull away from him. He moves his lips against hers, deepening the kiss.

She doesn’t deny him access letting him stroke his tongue against hers. She moans into the kiss before pulling back. Jonah whines trying to catch her lips back with his. “Jo.” She says softly, running her fingers through his hair. “We have to get up.”

He tightens his grip around her waist and whines, burying his face in her neck. “Why?” He sounds like a little kid whose mom told him no.

“Because the boys are already downstairs, and soon they’ll come wake you up.” Even though it’s a valid reason he still whines pressing his lips to her skin. She slips out of his grasp getting out of bed. He watches her gather her clothes scattered around his bedroom floor, dressed in only his shirt and panties. The corner of his mouth lifts up at the view. He can’t believe he gets to have her for himself.

She turns back to him and rolls her eyes at the look he gives her. “I’m gonna shower.” She can see the thought cross his mind. “I’ll lock the door, you go downstairs.”

“Babyyyy.” He whines because he wants to join her so bad.

“Nope.” She shakes her head and turns on her heels.

“You’re evil.” He says as she disappears through the doorway of his bathroom.

************************************************************************

He walks in the kitchen and makes himself a bowl of cereal before letting himself fall on the chair next to Zach and Jack.

“Dude.” Jack says rolling his eyes. “You snuck in another girl last night.”

“Bro.” Zach adds. “You’ve been doing that for the last weeks or so but like everyday.”

He doesn’t know how to break the news to them. Usually she sneaks out before the others even notice she’s there or well before they can see it’s her. It’s not that she’s ashamed of him or vice versa but they agreed to keep this thing to themselves for a while in case it didn’t work out.

Today is different. They both grew tired of keeping it a secret, so she stayed. They are supposed to tell the boys together around breakfast. He knows all four of them are his friends but they’re also hers. All four of them, especially Daniel, are really protective of her, so he doesn’t exactly know how they’ll react.

“Actually hum…” He scratches the back of his neck. “It’s been the same girl every time.”

“Like a fuck friend?” Daniel says like he doesn’t understand what Jonah’s trying to tell them.

“More like a girlfriend.” Surprise paints all four faces around him. In all the years they’ve known each other, none of them have ever seen Jonah like a girl, even less be in a relationship. They know the reasons pushing their bandmates to build walls around himself which is why it’s surprising to hear him say he has a girlfriend.

Not that they’re not happy for him, they just weren’t expecting it.

“Really? Wow.” Zach lets out before congratulating him. His three other friends do too, drawing a smile on his face.

“You look happy.” Corbyn smiles at him.

“I am.” Jonah chuckles like he, himself, couldn’t even believe he was. “I’m in love with her and she’s amazing.”

Daniel chokes on his apple juice. “Love.” He repeats like he’s not sure he understood correctly. The older singer nods smiling widely at him. “Are you sure you’re ok?” Jack laughs bringing the others with him.

“So? Are we meeting her today?” Zach asks suddenly impatient to meet the girl that did this to Jonah. His bandmates nod, hearing footsteps coming down the stairs.

All five heads turn to her as she walks in the kitchen like she’s done thousands of time. She ignores the attention she’s getting and walks up to Jonah, placing a kiss on his lips before stealing a spoonful of his cereal.

“Finally.” Corbyn sighs throwing his head back. “I though you two would never work it out.”

The three other boys quickly get over the surprise and smile too.

“It feels nice see the both of you happy.” Daniel says and Jonah’s aware that it has something to do with him being her best friend. He doesn’t know exactly what she said to Daniel, but he knows it must not have been nice. The fact that Daniel still understands and accepts it makes him happy.

She sits down on his lap and pulls him back in another kiss.

“We are.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, it means a lot. Leave a comment if you want.  
> Sorry for the mistakes, english is not my first language.
> 
> Love you,  
> Lauren xxxx


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